The Town Inside Boku and The Wall as a Defense Mechanism

        To me, the quiet town surrounded by the perfect large wall exists solely in Boku’s head and notebooks. I just don’t see any other option. I am unsure whether he is dreaming or sometimes separating his mind from the real world to live in a fantasy world. Regardless, I believe the formation of the town in his head is a trauma response to being abandoned by his first girlfriend at such a young age, as the made-up town is the only solid truth that remains of his lost girlfriend and the wall acts as a defense mechanism against abandonment.

        Slightly before Boku receives his last letter from his girlfriend, he comes to the realization that “[he] knew next to nothing about [her],” (96, of my PDF). There was “almost no concrete information or objective facts, nothing [he] could state with certainty was for sure,” (96). He starts to question if everything she told him was fake, which is likely overthinking caused by sudden abandonment. However, he does note that the only certain thing he knows is the town surrounded by a wall, (97). It seems that his mind latched on to the one thing he knows for certain about his lost girlfriend, the town surrounded by a wall, which also happens to be the only place where he can see her again. It makes sense that someone so destroyed by abandonment may so forcefully latch onto the only certain fact about the person who hurt them. It is a way of reclaiming power.  
In the real world, Boku seems very aware of his abandonment issues. He went out with multiple women and considered getting married, but he could never get past his issues. He always screwed things up, personally sabotaging relationships because he was always thinking about his abandonment. He had “a constant fear inside” that “if [he] managed to unconditionally love someone, there would come a day when the person [he] loved would suddenly vanish … and [he] would end up rejected for a reason [he] could never fathom,” (134). His fear is a wall, it’s a defense that saves him from rejection by rejecting. When it speaks, the wall says that there is no way past it and that “[it] will always be there,” (142). Boku is aware that his defense mechanisms caused by his abandonment issues harm his relationships, yet he does nothing to work on it. The wall’s claims that another wall will always be waiting for him sounds like internal defeatist or depressed self-talk. Thus, I view the wall as representing the mental barrier between Boku and a healthy relationship. Connor